Jeremy sits up in the nursery with Lucca in his arms. It’s four in the morning and Jeremy isn’t the least bit tired. He could stare at his son for hours and never get tired of it. Lucca doesn’t seem to mind; he just sucks at his bottle and stares right back at Jeremy. Right now, Lucca has blue eyes, but Jeremy keeps thinking that they’ll change to brown. He wonders how Chantal and Raine will explain that to the world. The thought makes him close his eyes for a second. He’s sure that his Michael won’t be thrilled to explain anything, even if Lucca’s eyes stay blue. Raine could barely even speak to him at the hospital, he was so angry. Jeremy wonders if that anger will ever fade. Most of the time, he thinks that it shouldn’t. He thinks he deserves whatever Raine wants to give him. But at the same time, he wishes that Raine would try to understand. It’s not like Jeremy got Chantal pregnant on purpose, but he did want a child. He desperately wanted a child of his own. And although he and Raine had discussed that on occasion, it didn’t seem like it would ever happen. Obviously, Jeremy went about getting what he wanted the wrong way, but he still wishes that Raine could be the least bit happy for him.

Lucca finishes his bottle and Jeremy puts him back in his crib. He stands there and stares down at his sleeping son for a second and then he turns to check on Rowan. Rowan is sleeping soundly but Jeremy can’t resist reaching down to touch his cheek. He looks so much like Raine that it makes Jeremy’s heart ache. After staring at Rowan for a second longer, Jeremy turns and heads out of the nursery. Instead of joining Chantal in bed, he goes out into the living room and sits down on the couch. He brings his legs up to his chest and rests his forehead against his knees. All he can seem to think about is Raine. He remembers the last time they made love and tears form in his eyes. He’ll never have that again. With anyone, Jeremy is sure. He doesn’t want it with anyone else anyway.

He lays down on the couch and reaches under his sweats to stroke his cock as he thinks about making love to Raine. His fingers move automatically in the quickest way to get himself off, but tears are streaming down his face. After a few moments, he stops without coming. All he has to do is think about the anger and pain in Raine’s eyes at the hospital and his erection just disappears. He may not want it with anyone else, but he also thinks he doesn’t deserve it with anyone else either. So after laying there for a few moments more, he gets up and crawls into bed with Chantal.